Few phrases trigger leaders more.
I’ve seen executives clench their jaws at those words. I’ve also led technical teams where “we can’t” was the default response.
But here’s the thing:
It’s rarely just about “can’t.” It could be any of three things:
1. We can’t — there’s a technical or resource constraint.
2. We shouldn’t — there’s risk or hidden complexity.
3. We won’t — there’s a values or alignment issue.
Each one deserves a different conversation.
If you’re a leader hearing “we can’t” — especially if it’s raising your blood pressure — try responding with:
👉 “Okay, what can we do?”
This flips the script. Engineers are wired to break problems into parts. Many times, the blocker is something minor that got baked in as an assumption.
I’ve seen entire features declared “impossible” because a UI mockup used a widget not in the library. Once we identified that sticking point, the team and stakeholders quickly agreed on an acceptable alternative.
💡 The real skill?
Learning to decode “can’t” without defaulting to frustration.
And if you’re the one saying “we can’t,” try saying:
“We can’t… but we could….”
Your manager will appreciate you offering a potential solution and not just another problem. And the subsequent conversation is likely to be enlightening.
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Want to go deeper?
At ArkTech Perspectives, we help technical leaders and execs navigate conversations just like these in our Communication Perspectives Workshops.