The Story
Billy owned a business with about 50 employees. After a successful year, he surprised everyone with a Thanksgiving turkey. The next year, the company had grown to 65, and he did it again.
But the following year, when the business struggled and Billy skipped the turkeys, employees turned on him.
In just two years, a spontaneous act of generosity had quietly evolved into an unreasonable expectation.
How Expectations Create Conflict
This “Thanksgiving turkey” pattern is everywhere at work:
- Do you expect an annual raise?
- Does your boss expect you to work late without complaint?
- Does your colleague expect you to always help with their workload?
When expectations go unmet, outrage and resentment feel justified. But often, they’re rooted in assumptions that were never discussed.
Stepping Outside Your Own Emotions
Conflict resolution begins with perspective-taking. Instead of digging in, try to make the other person’s case so well they agree you’ve captured it. This isn’t about agreeing — it’s about showing genuine understanding.
Once people feel heard, they become more open to hearing your side.
The Raise Example
Take the sensitive example of annual raises. Employees often compare their percentage increase with colleagues. But companies look at salary surveys and market data to make sure they’re paying competitively.
If you know this, you can reframe your argument:
“I get that you don’t want to overpay compared to the market, but the data shows I may actually be underpaid for my role and experience.”
That’s far more effective than “I deserve more because I’ve worked hard.”
And if you’re already at the top of the pay scale? You might need to shift the conversation to promotions, bonuses, or added responsibilities instead.
When Someone Else Has the Turkey Problem
What if you’re on the receiving end of “Thanksgiving turkey” resentment? Handle it the same way.
- Listen actively.
- Play back their perspective until they agree you’ve heard them.
- Only then share your constraints and concerns.
- Invite them into problem-solving with you, rather than positioning yourself as a roadblock.
Takeaway
The “Thanksgiving turkey” pattern is a reminder: conflict often hides in the gap between assumptions and reality. By surfacing and understanding those assumptions, you can prevent resentment from poisoning relationships.
At ArkTech Perspectives, we help leaders and teams build the communication skills to surface hidden expectations, defuse resentment, and turn conflict into collaboration. If your team is dealing with a few “turkeys,” let’s talk.